I would just like to say something to the people who are in the workplace and who don’t take their work seriously: quit! Just pack up your bags and quit! Leave. Don’t provide your services to me until you gain an attitude and work ethic that built this great land.

I went to McDonald’s for lunch. I love McDonald’s Double Cheeseburgers. They’re incredibly cheap and surprisingly good. It was raining cats and dogs outside. I couldn’t hardly roll down my window to give my order for getting drenched. I placed my order through my tinted window and the lady taking my order asked if I wanted ketchup. “Absolutely, thanks!” I responded.

I pull up to windows #1, hand the order-taker my credit card and proceed to drive to windows #2. Upon arrival, the abhorrently useless employee asked to confirm my order. “Yes, I had a #6 with a Coke.” No acknowledgment, no apology for possibly giving me an incorrect order; I was shrugged off like a bother in her life. “Whatever”, I thought to myself, “They must be having a busy day.”

I was given my delectable cheese burger and fries, thanked the girl on the giving end and received not a single acknowledgment from her. Not even a “you’re welcome”, or “no, thank you for ordering your food at McDonald’s, when I know you could have gone to any number of other fast food restaurants” or anything!

I drove back to work in the torrential rain that we desperately needed here in Nashville, pulled the french fries out of my bag, pulled my hamburger out of my bag, removed the napkins from my bag, and began to pull the ketchup packet out of my bag. The (AS IN SINGULAR!!!) ketchup packet. One. Uno. A. Like, as in, “WHERE THE HELL ARE THE OTHER 3 I FREAKING NEED TO EAT MY FRIES?!?” amount of ketchup packets that this girl gave me.

I ate my cheeseburger. It was good. I don’t eat fries without ketchup. They’re just too bland for me. I really wanted some fries, too. I saved my singular ketchup packet. I didn’t open it. I have it in my desk drawer, because I somehow feel that I’m going to eventually save up enough ketchup packets, one at a time, that I will hopefully, someday, actually be able to eat french fries with my cheeseburger.

I wish the girl who almost screwed up my order and subsequently gave me a single ketchup packet, and who was effortlessly rude to me, would quit her job. Just quit. You really don’t contribute to society. A monkey can be trained to hand people bags out of a window. Let’s just hire monkeys. I’m sure they’re much cheaper. I mean, they don’t have rights, right? Just give them a few bananas a day and you’ve got half of the McDonald’s work force. And you can even train them to wave to people as they drive off, which would have been a lot more friendly than the cold shoulder I received from the ugly girl at window #2. I digress. I need a refill on my coke.