Candy For Idiots

Three and a half years ago, my life was stale. I was working, doing my thing, pumping out results as best I knew how, but life was stale. My personal life was OK. I had many friends and had something going on pretty much every night of the week. I was doing my hobbies which made me happy. I honestly had no idea whatsoever where my life was going to go or how I was going to get there. I had no vision for the future, other than to just try and make the next day better than the current one.

Then one day, I was approached by upper management and asked to pack up my life and move to a new town. Wow, all that I know and all that I will know is about to change… I agreed and moved to Nashville, Tennessee to pursue my career and do whatever I could to make it grow. It was really hard at first, though… All those friends I had were still my friends, but their lives sort of went on without me. The things that were happening “every night of the week” were still happening, but without me. A lot of my friends, I completely lost touch with and still haven’t had a chance to reconnect. My life was thrown through a loop and all that I had known turned into the loneliest hell I believe I had ever experienced.

On March 27, 2007 on a different blog, I wrote an article summing up my life and the course I was on at the time:

[...]I am a young person and I’m in a great position as far as my career goes. My life is one giant blank canvas, an empty page waiting to be written on, but what I’m painting and writing is in no way any type of legacy, at least not from a personal point of view. I don’t get to paint life with people, or write about personal experiences. I paint office spaces and write about living in hotels. When I’m old and look back on those paintings, I’m going to wonder why I didn’t paint people I know, or write about friends and family. What will I ask myself when I’m 80 years old, sitting in an old rocking chair on the porch of my house? Will I hate myself? Will I still be alone? Or will I have the love of my life (whomever she may be) bringing me a glass of lemonade as we sit on the porch together watching our grandchildren play in the yard?

All this just to say I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I can do about it. I don’t know that I really want to do anything about it at this point, but I know there is a void in my life and it’s not being filled with the things God intended to be there. If I’m not careful, I will eventually fill that empty space with something that’s not supposed to be there. I believe that we have designated spaces in our hearts for different things, like music, love, family, friends, etc. We can fill those spaces with good and righteous things, or we can fill them with decay which will eventually bleed over and rot out other areas of our hearts.

I’m not seeking any advice, and I’m not bitching in any way about my life. This is just one of many observations I’ve made this year as my life has been quiet, but in an extremely chaotic way. I am carefully examining this life I live and trying to figure out if I want to stay on my present course, or if I need to hang a right on the upcoming fork in the road. Again, I’m in a great position as far as my career goes, but will I sacrifice everything for a job? For a cushy bank account? Will I continue to fill those voids in my heart with material things, or will I finally fill the voids with things that really matter? Can I accomplish that on this present course? That’s the million dollar question.[...]

Very shortly after writing that blog post, the most miraculous thing in my entire life happened. This friend of mine became something much more than a friend. In almost exactly 4 months from writing the above, I was in the most serious and substantial relationship of my life and it lead to me marrying the most beautiful and loving woman in the world. One year and four months ago, the person to whom I didn’t even imagine could fill the void in my life became my wife and I am forever thankful to God and to her for making me so happy. And what’s more, my wife and I are currently expecting the birth of our son, someone I have the privilege of raising and shaping into a man better than myself. Wow.

I know this is a disgusting puff piece about my life and half of you guys are surely vomiting in trash cans right now, but I write this post for one simple point: no matter what you’re going through in life, no matter how desolate you think you are, and even when you think that all hope is lost, you might just get the surprise of your life when you least expect it. Whether you have financial issues, relationship issues, friendship issues or work issues, you never know what is just around the corner, so don’t give up.

Too many people these days do just give up. They think all hope is gone, the decisions they made have irriversably changed their lives and there is no hope. There’s always hope when you can find the right place to intrust your hope. It’s not in people, it’s not in politicians or the government, it’s not in friends or family. It’s in you and it’s in God. Give thanks for the things you’ve been blessed with, like living in the greatest country in the history of the world, and just put hope and faith in the real things that tomorrow will be brighter than today.

Posted on July 1st, 2009 under Blogging, Life • RSS 2.0 feed • Leave a response, or trackback