I’m from a quiet village in Bangladesh where gorillas torched my home and slaughtered my family when I was 7 years old. I was rescued by the Red Cross in the bitter winter of 1989 and was flown to the United States where an American family adopted me as one of their own. After breaking the language barrier, I started school where I became a National Scholar and subsequently graduated College at the age of 15. I then set a record and completed Graduate School in 3 semesters and was recruited by the government to hack into Chinese military computer networks at the age of 18. After a brief stint in a maximum security prison for hacking into a bank mainframe, I was rehired by the Federal Government to goof off on myspace and make up stupid stories about coming from a village in Bangladesh and being so smart that I graduated college when I was 15. Now, I am a professional sniper and enjoy long walks on the beach, raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens.

Just kidding. I’m married to the most amazingly gorgeous woman who has ever existed and have an equally gorgeous step-daughter. I live in Nashville and work in the computer industry. I have a dog named Jack and a clan of hermit crabs. They’re actually my step-daughter’s pet’s, but guess who takes care of them??? That’s right - ME! But I love ‘em, and I love my family. I’m the luckiest person alive. You thought you were, but nope — it’s me.